I received a letter in the mail a few days ago… it says:
“Dear Mr Breakup Bradley,
Help! I miss my ex so badly, and I really don’t know what to do. I am so lost without him, but he says he doesn’t want to get back together. I feel like my life is over!
I really miss him a lot, Mr Bradley, please tell me what to do…
Well, Ms Tinklehorn, I would like to start by say thank you for the letter. And since your question is one that I get asked on a daily basis, I’m going to answer it right here in this article.
So, if you miss your ex and you’re wondering what to do about it… keep reading.
“Help, Brad! I Miss My Ex So Much!”
There’s really two possible ways you can stop missing your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend and stop feeling so lonely and heartbroken all the time: either you can get over your ex and move on, or you can get back together with them.
If you’re reading this right now and you’re 100% certain that you do NOT want your ex back… if you just want to move on as quickly as possible… click here to read my article on how to move on after a breakup.
If you’re not sure whether you want to get back together — maybe you’re on the fence about it and want to keep your options open — or if you’re dead set on winning your ex’s heart back and starting over with them, then you’ll want to keep reading.
Why Do You Miss Your Ex So Much?
I’ve said this many times in the past, but here’s the simple truth: breakups are one of the toughest things you’ll go through in life.
It’s completely normal to feel absolutely heartbroken when you’ve just been dumped, especially if it was a serious relationship and you’re still in love with your ex.
Trust me, I’ve been there, and I know how gut-wrenching it can be. You might feel like your life is over, like you’ll never be able to love again… it’s a whole lot of heartache, and I sympathize.
What makes breakups so awful? Well, for starters, research has shown that on a neurological level, romantic love is a lot like a drug addiction.
Believe it or not, a breakup causes a very similar chemical response in your brain to that of a drug addict going through withdrawal. Your brain was chemically ‘dependent’ on your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend, and you were psychologically dependent and accustomed to life with them at your side. And now, like a junkie in rehab, your brain is paralyzed by their sudden disappearance.
Now, I realize that knowing the science behind heartbreak isn’t really helping you feel any better. So let’s start with the first thing you should do if you miss your ex like crazy…
Step #1: Determine your chance of getting your ex back
For the majority of you reading this right now, you probably still have a good chance of undoing your breakup and winning back your ex.
Unfortunately, that may not be the case for some of you, and it may be time to give up and focus on moving on.
Thankfully, you can get a rough idea of where you stand with your ex and how difficult it’s going to be to win them back by taking my free quiz.
This is a free, science-based quiz tool that I spent many months developing. It takes about 5 minutes, it’s confidential, and when you finish answering the quiz questions you’ll be given a score and a custom report explaining how likely it is that you’ll be able to get back together with your ex.
- If your quiz score is below 60, then things aren’t looking very promising, and you may want to be realistic about whether you should be putting much effort into trying to win back your ex.
- If you score above 65, then you’ve got at least a decent shot at getting them back, assuming you play your cards right and avoid making any mistakes that may push your ex further away.
Step #2: Change your mindset to stop missing your ex
This is arguably the most important thing I’m going to tell you in this article, so pay close attention:
You can’t use words to win back your ex.
You can’t talk your way back into their heart or convince them to take you back, no matter how charming you might be.
Trust me on this. After working with tens of thousands of clients in your shoes, I know for certain that the only real way to win back your ex is to change their perception of you.
You need your ex to let go of any negative memories and feelings about you… and you need to re-build real, organic attraction to the point where he or she simply won’t care about any of the ‘logical’ or ‘rational’ reasons for breaking up with you.
Please visit my website and watch my full how-to presentation to learn more about how to shift the way your ex thinks about you… and how to properly re-build REAL attraction so that your ex will eventually decide, on their own, that they want you back.
That’s all I’m going to write on this topic for now, but just remember: words or gifts or love notes will NEVER help you win your ex back.
The proper way to move forward if you want to get a second chance with your ex is to focus on yourself and the things within your control… this will allow you to re-shape how your ex feels about you, and re-build their attraction to you until they simply can’t resist the urge to take you back.
RELATED: How To Make Your Ex Chase After You
Step #3: Remove any reminders of your ex for now
This one is pretty simple.
You don’t want to be constantly reminded of your ex throughout the day, so now is a good time to pack up any photos, notes, gifts, etc that could remind you of your ex. Just put them all in a box and throw it in the basement or out of sight somewhere (temporarily).
Once you win your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back (or when you’re fully over them and ready to move on), you can re-open the box and put back the items that remind you of him or her.
Step #4: Stop talking to your ex for a month
I know you’ve heard of the “No Contact” strategy before. It’s a technique I helped to popularize a decade ago, and now it’s all over the internet. (And, as I’ve mentioned elsewhere, you should ignore anyone who says this tactic doesn’t work. I know for a fact it does work, and it’s a critical component of my 3R strategy.)
For the purposes of this article, please just forget about WHY this strategy works, and trust me when I say that you need to use No Contact immediately. This is especially true if it’s been a few weeks (or more) since the breakup, and/or if you’re still regularly talking with your ex.
If you made mistakes already since breaking up (such as begging your ex for another chance, gushing your heart out and telling them how much you still love them, etc), then you may first need to use my Clean Slate Message to undo the damage from those past mistakes. Most of the time, however, you can safely just begin the 30 day No Contact period right away.
“No Contact” means, with very few exceptions, ZERO communication.
Don’t give in and randomly text your ex at 2am…
Don’t play along if they send you a message saying “i miss you” or something confusing like that…
And absolutely do not try to meet them in person, call them up for any reason, or stalk them on social media. Delete your ex’s contact details from your phone if you must.
Only reply to their calls or texts if it’s absolutely critical to do so. (What’s important enough to justify breaking No Contact? Only very serious stuff, such as if he or she asks, “are you paying the rent for our apartment this month?” or “can you take our cat to the vet today?”)
Other than in those rare critically important situations, it’s best to simply ignore your ex altogether… don’t respond, and don’t reach out to them at all for the full 30 days (or more!).
Step #5: Occupy yourself and stay as busy as possible
OK, you’ve started your 30 days of No Contact… that’s great. Now you’ve got a month or so to focus on yourself, and the most important thing during that month is to STAY BUSY.
Occupy your time with fun or productive activities that will take your mind off your ex and put you in a better position to win them back once the No Contact phase is over.
Look, I know this isn’t really what you want to hear right now. I realize that doing things like going to the gym, making new friends, or picking up a new hobby may not feel like they’re going to help you stop missing your ex.
The truth, though, is simple: if you can stay occupied and keep busy for the next month or so while you’re not talking to your ex, you’ll be doing the best possible thing you can do to get through the worst of your heartbreak… and at the same time, you’ll also be improving your odds of getting your ex back once the 30 days of No Contact are over.
So no matter how much you may not feel like meeting up with friends tonight, or taking on another project at work next week, or calling up an old friend who you haven’t seen in years… do it anyway!
As silly as these things may seem, they WILL help you feel better, and they WILL improve your odds of getting a second chance with your ex.
RELATED: Is It OK To Be Friends With Your Ex?
Other Ways To Stop Missing Your Ex Boyfriend or Ex Girlfriend
Ganging out with friends and family is the easiest thing to do, so make sure you fill your social calendar for the next few weeks. Don’t turn down any invite to a party, a drink after work, or a baseball game on the weekend… say “yes” to anything and everything!
If you’re an introvert, then getting out of your comfort zone might mean joining a club or taking a night class at a local college.
If you’re really social, maybe you can try tandem skydiving or take a backpacking trip around a foreign country. It doesn’t matter what it is, or who it’s with — just do it!
These things will keep your mind off the breakup, and help you stop missing your ex so much.
And one final note on this topic: you should go on dates with other people as soon as you possibly can.
It doesn’t really matter whether you actually like the person you’re going on a date with, and it’s fine if you don’t see them again. Just getting out there and spending time with someone of the opposite sex is a big step that will help you get more comfortable living without your ex, while at the same time making yourself appear more “high value” in the eyes of your ex.
(Jealousy can be a powerful tool to make your ex want you back, so get out there and go on dates as soon as you can stomach it!)
Step #6: Register for a risk-free trial of The Ex Factor Guide
OK, I know, I know… this is kind of a cheesy bit of self-promotion here, but I hope you will consider signing up for my best-selling Ex Factor program if you’re serious about getting another chance with your ex.
The Ex Factor is a comprehensive, step-by-step guide to reversing a breakup. Over the past 5 years, the program has helped more than 100,000 people from around the world win back their ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend… which is why it’s the #1 best-selling ‘ex back’ guide of all time!
You can get access to the entire program within 5 minutes of signing up through my website. It’s affordable, and you’ve got zero risk thanks to my iron-clad 60-day money back guarantee. If you’re ready to learn more or grab your copy, click here to visit my website and get started.