Arguing, fighting, bickering with your spouse? You’re not alone.
Every married couple argues from time to time.
But when these fights get too frequent or too heated, they can be a one-way ticket to divorce.
Try these 6 simple, effective tips and techniques that will allow you to put to STOP these toxic arguments and ensure they don’t continue to damage or destroy your marriage.
6 Ways To End Arguments With Your Spouse
These 6 tactics I’m about to cover are just a starting point.
Yes, they’re all really helpful in preventing fights with your spouse, so you should start using them immediately… but for most people, this isn’t the only thing that’s contributing to your marriage problems, so you need to address any other issues as well if you want to maintain a happy marriage.
Let’s get started with one of my favorite Dispute Defusing Tactics, which I’ve mentioned in a few previous videos because it’s so effective…
Technique #1: Use The 30-Minute Rule
Angry at your spouse about something?
Ready to flip out and start screaming because of what they did or said?
Or maybe your spouse has started the conflict and you’re ready to fight back….
Well, hold up a second.
Actually, hold up 30 minutes.
Why? Well, I can’t tell you never to get into an argument with your spouse. If you disagree, if you need to stand up for something you believe is important and worth discussing with your spouse, then do it.
But before you do, wait 30 minutes. Don’t do anything special in that time–other than avoid talking about the problem with your spouse–before you begin the discussion.
That 30 minutes will often be enough time to give you some perspective and decide it’s not worth fighting over.
If you do decide to argue, that time will help you cool down and let the emotions settle so you can start the discussion in a civilized, adult manner and prevent things from getting out of hand.
It’s simple tactics like this one that will stop a divorce before it starts.
Technique #2: Take a time-out
If you find yourself in a heated argument with your spouse, then the 30-minute rule isn’t really an option… but you can still take action to make sure the fight doesn’t continue to escalate.
If you’re worried that you or your spouse is going to resort to yelling or personal attacks, you’ll need a way to lessen the intensity of an argument.
A time-out is a great solution to this problem.
Basically, you just need to take a short break during a fight with your spouse to calm your nerves.
Don’t just simply walk out of the room without explanation–that might make your partner even angrier.
Instead, tell them that you need to take 10 minutes to think about things and calm down before re-engaging in a more respectful, productive discussion.
Not only will this help to calm your nerves, but this will help to calm your partner’s nerves as well.
Technique #3: Go to bed angry
The classic advice–that you should never go to bed angry at your spouse–is just totally ridiculous.
You don’t need to resolve disagreements with your spouse–that has probably been an issue for years already–in a single evening?
Or you need to stay up until 3 am arguing before you can go to bed?
No, obviously that’s a terrible idea.
Feel free to go to bed even when you’re mad at your partner, or they’re angry at you
Sleeping on things can often make the issue go away by itself, or at least give both sides some perspective and a chance to think things over.
Technique #4: Take responsibility for problems affecting your marriage
Hate being wrong? Too proud to admit you might also be part of the problem? Me too.
Trust me, I understand that it can be very tough to admit that you’re wrong about anything. When you’re in a heated argument, sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture or start focusing only on “winning” rather than the real issue at hand… or the affect the argument might have on their partner’s feelings.
Sadly, researchers have proven that the feeling of “being right” or ‘winning’ is never as satisfying as you make it out to be in your mind. And trying to win the argument is often a synonym for trying to hurt your partner.
Instead of trying to win arguments with your spouse, try instead to focus on seeing things from your partner’s perspective.
Aim to come to a positive outcome of some sort, even if that means you need to swallow your pride and “lose.”
When you realize that your partner has a valid concern or that this argument is about something very important to them, you should consider letting them have this victory.
In the free video presentation on my website, I’ll teach you how you can change your spouse’s behaviour without nagging or arguing.
Easier said than done? Yes, but constantly reminding yourself to take a step back and try to see your spouse’s side–and then admit to being wrong or accept a “loss” when it’s necessary to maintain harmony in your marriage–is definitely going to help.
It’s one of the first steps to take if your marriage is in trouble. It could even save your marriage.
Technique #5: Use humour to defuse tension
As I just mentioned, it’s easy to lose yourself in the heat of the moment when you’re arguing with your significant other… and at times things can escalate and become toxic, marriage-threatening fights, even when they initially started over something very minor.
If you’re able to recognize when this is happening in an argument with your partner, humour can be the best way to defuse things and bring back some perspective.
WARNING: You should be careful using this technique when the discussion is about something serious or ongoing… or if you’re fighting over something that’s very important to your spouse… but a lot of the time, a joke or a light-hearted self-deprecating comment and a smile can really calm things down and bring back perspective.
As long as you don’t downplay the issue and make your spouse feel like you’re not taking them seriously, cracking a smile or a joke is a great way to cool things down when arguments get heated.
Technique #6: Spend positive time together
I don’t think this last one needs much explanation, because it’s pretty simple… the more you and your spouse spend time arguing, the more you need to spend quality, enjoyable time together to balance things out.
When you finish a big argument, and things have settled down, suggest something to your spouse that you do something fun together the next evening.
No need to make it a big deal, just make sure you make an effort to share some positive, romantic time with one another.
This will help you both remember what you love about one another so that the next time you argue, you’ll remember to be respectful.