When you see each other in person it’s red hot but your texts are cooling down. It feels like you have nothing to talk about. Are you losing him or are you just texting too much?
Let’s start with a common pattern in relationships. You meet, you go out a couple times. Suddenly you’re texting nonstop, from morning until night. You keep going out, you sleep together and you start to get comfortable. Then the texts start to slow down and when you do text, it’s less flirty and fun than when it started.
What went wrong? Maybe you overdid it?
Just how much texting is too much?
I’d love to tell you that you should be sending one text every two days that is exactly seventeen words long but unfortunately it’s not that simple.
The fact that you’re watching this video suggests that there’s a problem with how frequently you’re texting or what your texts. Let’s dig deeper.
- Who is initiating and ending texting conversations?
- Are you always the one to text first?
- Does he often cut the conversation off or simply stop responding?
- Are your texts much longer than his?
These are clear indications that you’re texting too much. This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you or that he’s pulling away. Many men simply don’t like to have extended conversations over text and prefer to talk in person.
Don’t take it personally. But do slow down. You don’t wand texting to become a chore.
It’s better to text too little than too much
A common mistake is to text more because he’s texting less. If you respond to him pulling away by trying to cling on tighter, you’ll just find him slipping through your fingers.
Don’t text for no reason
If you’re worried about your texts cooling off then wait until you have something to say before reaching out. If your texts have a clear purpose rather than just “I miss you and I’m bored” then the conversations will be focused and purposeful.
This means that he’ll associate texting you with communication and excitement rather than just rambling.
Don’t have conversations over text that would work better in person
Long, involved conversations about complex feelings don’t work well over text. Texting is supposed to be fun, light and flirty.
If it’s a new relationship you should be focused on getting face time. You want to have experiences together so that you’ll build memories for future interactions.
You can’t make memories over text. Memories and experiences happen when you’re out there enjoying the world. This will bond you in a way emojis never can.
These rules don’t quite follow if you’re long distance. Check out my video on texting in a long distance relationship if that’s your situation.
So what is texting for?
Texting is for sharing information, making plans, making jokes, and flirting. It works best in short exchanges rather than extended back and forths that last hours.
With that in mind, let him miss you.
One problem with texting is that we feel like we should be in constant contact all the time. Especially when relationships start out that way. It can create a resentment because we feel like if we don’t text back, we’re doing something wrong, even if we’re busy.
To avoid this, text less often. Being a little unavailable will make him think about you more and make the conversations you do have more special.
When to worry
If he’s sending one word answers or not replying for days at a time, this isn’t great. That said, it could have nothing to do with your relationship but just mean that the two of you have a very different relationship with texting.
That’s okay. It may be something to discuss if it really bothers you so you can find a balance that is right for the two of you.
But if it only bothers you because it makes you feel insecure, take a step back before you have a big discussion about it. Focus on spending more quality time with him rather than increasing your texting and I guarantee that you’ll have better results and fewer misunderstandings.