If you’re going through a breakup, you’re probably feeling a lot of emotions right now: sad, depressed, heartbroken, angry…
But here’s some good news:
More than 90% of all breakups are reversible… if you play your cards correctly.
It’s not all doom and gloom! There’s still an extremely good chance you’ll be able to win back your ex.
However, if you want to get your ex back, you’re going to need to know exactly what to do.
And, perhaps even more importantly, you’re going to need to know what not to do.
After all, most people desperate to get back together with their ex end up ruining their chances because they make a series of mistakes that simply end up pushing their ex even further away.
Because the process of getting back together with an ex is often complicated and confusing, I can’t possibly cover it all in this article. If you find yourself with unanswered questions, I invite you to check out The Ex Factor, a comprehensive program I created to walk you through the process of winning your ex back. In addition to covering every imaginable “what if” scenario you might face, the program also reveals some sneaky psychological tactics I’ve developed to make your ex think twice about the breakup.
Anyway, enough self-promotion… let’s jump straight into the goods!
“Brad, How Can I Get My Ex Back?”
Right, well… so glad you asked, actually. Here are the basic steps you’ll need to employ:
Step 1: Accept the Breakup
Unfortunately, the reality is this: you and your ex are no longer together. It can be tough to get a grip on reality at first, but you need to understand that the relationship is (for now) effectively over.
One of the worst things you can do at this early stage is to deny the reality of your breakup. Pretending that it isn’t happening, or acting as though your ex is just “going through a phase,” is not going to help your situation.
Step 2: Give Your Ex Time & Space
You may feel compelled to reach out to your ex, even if only to seek closure or an explanation as to why he or she wanted to break up in the first place. Resist these urges to contact your ex for now.
Unfortunately, this isn’t the time to seek answers or even to find “closure”. It’s unlikely you’ll find either at this point, and pestering your ex for answers and explanations will not help you get back together with him or her. In fact, it’s more likely to be seen as an annoyance, and add to your ex’s convictions that a breakup was necessary.
At this point, it’s best to cut off all communication with your ex. This is commonly referred to as the “no contact” period, and is critical to your efforts to win back your ex. You’ll want to stop talking to your ex for at least 3-4 weeks, and maybe longer if the two of you had been together for several years prior to the breakup.
Now, this is where many people break down and make mistakes. Do not call or text your ex to say sorry, ask for forgiveness, or even “see how he/she is doing”.
The purpose of this “no contact” period is two-fold: for starters, it demonstrates to your ex that you don’t need them. By cutting off the lines of communication, you’re showing your ex that you can survive without them… that you’re strong, independent, and not desperate to win back their love.
Secondly, the “no contact” phase gives him time to reflect and forget about some of the reasons he or she broke up with you in the first place. As time passes, your ex will start to let the negative memories slip away, and will begin to miss all the positive aspects of your relationship.
The most effective way to make your ex miss you, essentially, is to just drop off their radar altogether.
Step 3: Live Life Without Your Ex
Yes, at this point, you’ve already stopped communicating with your ex… and now it’s time to go on with your life as though you’re unaffected by the breakup.
Remove your ex’s safety net by playing it cool and acting like you’re unaffected by the breakup.
How you go about “living your life without your ex” is really up to you, but try to keep busy. Spend time with friends, immerse yourself in work or school, and pick up a new hobby.
What you don’t want to be doing during this stage is dwelling on your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend. Instead, by living your life as though you’re unaffected by the breakup, you’re removing your ex’s “safety net”.
If and when you and your ex begin talking again, they’ll probably be surprised to learn that you’ve been completely OK with the breakup… and they’ll start to worry that maybe the “safety net” (getting back together with you) they’ve been banking on may not exist after all.
Additionally, in the unlikely event that the two of you don’t get back together, you’ll have spent the better part of a month learning to move on and live life without your ex.
Step 4: Flirt, Go On Dates, and Build A Little Jealousy
This ties in to the previous step, whereby you move on with your life as though you’re not affected by the breakup. One of the most effective ways to do this is to go on dates with new people.
What you don’t want to do at this stage is make it obvious that you’re actively trying to make your ex jealous. Trying to be devious and make him or her jealous will only make your ex angry and push them further away.
That said, you do want your ex to see that you have other options… that there are other guys or girls out there who are interested in you. This will make your ex wonder if they’ve made a mistake letting you go, now that it’s clear you’re in high demand with the opposite sex and won’t have any trouble replacing your ex should he or she walk away.
Step 5: Re-Initiate Contact… Carefully
If you’ve followed the instructions I’ve outlined so far, then your ex will probably have contacted you already. If they haven’t, but you’ve been diligent about not contacting them for a period of weeks or months, then you’re finally ready to re-initiate contact with your ex.
Some key points about contacting your ex:
- Your first contact should be short… just 1 or 2 friendly text messages back-and-forth with your ex.
- Don’t sound depressed, lonely, or desperate. Instead, try to sound upbeat and positive when you talk with your ex.
- Don’t discuss anything serious with your ex during this first contact. Keep it lighthearted and limited to small talk.
- Don’t sound too excited to talk with him. Remember, you’ve moved on with your life and you don’t need him/her anymore!
- Don’t act as though you want to get back together with your ex, even if they hint at it. You need to re-build attraction slowly and purposefully.
- Use this first contact as a means to contact your ex again in the future, or meet up at a later date.
Again, remember that this first communication is just a “primer” for future communication with your ex. This is not the time or place to bring up serious conversations about your relationship, it’s just to remind them that you’re still around and that you’re doing well without them in your life.
Step 6: Rekindle Attraction And Seduce Your Ex Again
Once the lines of communication are open again, it’s time to start slowly rebuilding attraction and making your ex fall back in love with you. This needs to be done slowly and deliberately, with the physical elements of your relationship building slowly.
This phase is where many people lose touch of their deliberate “strategy” and get caught up in the possibility of winning their partner’s heart back. DO NOT fall in to this trap and try to move too quickly.
You still need to sow seeds of doubt in your ex’s mind, and keep them wondering whether or not they’ll actually ever be able to get back together with you. This can be difficult, which is why I recommend investing in a complete step-by-step guide to rebuilding attraction with your ex.
Best of luck in your quest to repair your relationship!